Unleashing Your Inner Goddess To Find Love
By: Lesley Edwards Dating Expert & Relationship Coach
Well it’s good but…..is this really all there is?
This good relationship (you love each other, your family loves him but you aren’t in love and you don’t know where exactly its going). This good job (there is flexibility and variety, even great coworkers and you don’t hate it, but it doesn’t rock your world). This good relationship with yourself (you know you are a great catch, really capable and smart, a good person, and even fun from time to time, but you are not sure you deserve “great”….. let alone amazing, delicious or extraordinary.
One of my early mentors Jairek Robbins opened my eyes to the ceiling of good. Where good is often the very thing standing in the way of great. Where it takes courage to give up the good and go for great!
Hearing Whispers of Something More
When it comes to life and love, so many women are hearing the whispers of something more….something great. More love, more excitement, more fulfillment and fulness. Something that has been calling them to re-examine their life, relationships or happiness levels. They may have even started to catch glimpses into their full potential, what could be possible and what might be in the future, but they haven’t quite figured out how to wrap their hands around it to pull it into their reality.
This new awakening is an exciting and curious time. We’ve started seeing so many other women shake things up and move toward a new path. While it is inspiring and noteworthy, it can also be extremely uncomfortable and unnerving. Naturally, we start asking ourselves, albeit quietly, “could I do that?” “do I have the guts?” “I couldn’t possibly take a risk like that….could I?” “what would it be like to really go for it and follow my heart”? Usually we get one of two responses.
The first “I’m not quite ready for that kind of change right now….why mess with a good thing….I’m fine and I’m going to focus on being more grateful for what I have now”, and the second “F*** it, lets do this! I know its gonna be scary from time to time, but now is the time….My time!” and she goes for it. I think we’ve all been in both places at different times in life, for me admittedly a lot more time in the former than the latter, yet both are equally important.
It is not that there is a “better” choice, we simply tend to choose #1 a few times before we jump in for #2; that is the process of life. We tend to wait until we have a lot of leverage, many “good” reasons to change, such that #2 becomes inevitable, and then we can’t not go for it. For example, move out, start a relationship, leave the marriage, start a yoga practice, leave the job, get engaged, end that friendship, start saving for a house, stop sleeping with that guy who only shows up every six months, stop having lunch at 3:00 p.m., start paying off the credit card, start the business of your dreams on the side….and so it goes.
These no-more-waiting lets-do-it pursuits often feel like tremendous milestones! Because they are. It really takes something, call it strength, resolve, courage, risk, bravery, heart and/or faith, to leap and declare “no more of _______, now is the time for _________”.
What Took So Long!
With the big milestone-type shifts, we often get a rush of relief and peace of mind that the “old way” is behind us. We’ve had this nagging feeling for quite some time that something wasn’t right; it was a long time coming. It may even have been something we had ignored or denied for a long time. Either way, we are READY now and all there is is to celebrate!!!
As a science geek, I got really interested in expediting this process, and getting to the celebration faster. Resisting delicious, positive change less and being more open to seeing those internal callings to shift toward love and passion, and feel really good.
So what is really going on behind the scenes? Our Inner Goddess is getting louder and louder. She is the voice of what we truly desire, and progressively gets louder until we listen! The most important part is not necessarily getting to #2 and saying “that is it! No more (of the old way)!”, the process of learning to hear and respond to our inner goddess is truly where the gold is. The more tuned in we can be to the messages, the less loud or destructive she needs to be to get our attention, and we stop missing out on opportunities to be found by our ideal guy.
So what is this Inner Goddess, anyway?
Our inner goddess is the:
- Feminine aspect of a woman’s psyche
- Source of her beauty and power
- Divine piece of her, made purely of source energy
- Highest self and therefore your full (ever-expanding) potential
- Unwaivering champion for your deepest desires
- Shaper of your core values
- Source of your wisdom and truth (deepest sense of knowing what is right for you).
For many of us, our Inner Goddess has been hidden and kept down with an unforgiving leash for most of our lives.
Instead we’ve been taught to strengthen and therefore galvanize our masculine strengths; they are, after-all, easier to measure. Logic, reasoning, protecting, providing, taking charge, making it happen, having goals, taking actions, producing results and being independent. And please note that these qualities ROCK; without them literally nothing would get done. Without a doubt, we need our masculine aspects in order to survive and do life. This is why we’ve been taught these skills and they have long been the major measurements of success in life and business.
Our masculine selves get power from challenge and these pursuits, which is likely why the education system (created for men, by men to prepare them for the work world), is heavily focused on practicing, sharpening and measuring these masculine traits in life. Now that women are such a large consumer of education and members of the work force, it is vital that we bring not only our masculine strengths, but also our inherent feminine cores to experience even more success and fulfillment.
Understanding our Masculine and Feminine
We also now know and acknowledge that the masculine skills are not the whole story for happiness in life.
If we want to thrive in life and especially love, we call on our feminine. The feminine part of us is perception, feeling, emotion, intuition, instinct and awareness, it is surrendering, allowing, relaxing, receiving, nurturing and being nurtured, love, connectedness and flexibility, creativity, creation, and deep knowing wisdom and truth. And our feminine grows from praise and support (not challenge).
My favourite illustration of the differences between the two sexual essences comes from David Deida, spirituality and sexuality expert, in which he describes the masculine as the boat and the feminine is the ocean. The boat uses directed, focused energy and a plan to navigate from A to B across the ocean, regardless of the conditions, to reach its destination. The ocean on the other hand is mother nature, moves in all directions, is passive (no goal in mind), and is highly flexible and changeable from calm to stormy regardless of the boat’s goals. There is immense power in both; we need both. Then, looking at life from the masculine, it is about challenge, from achievement to destinations, whereas the feminine is about process, the journey and finding support and encouragement along the way.
The Immense, Untapped Potential of the Feminine
The most inviting thing about the process focus of the feminine versus the specific, rigid plan solely dictated by logic and reasoning (the masculine) is that there are so many possible ways to get there. If you’ve ever heard of the concept of “releasing the how” and wondered what the heck they are talking about, you are in the right place! The feminine focuses on the good feeling of the desire throughout the process, opening to the unseen possibilities with the freedom of not having to “figure it all out” or commit to any one plan. At first, to our logical masculine minds, this can sound impractical, irresponsible even, but stay with me. There is awesome neuroscience to back this up! Did I mention I’m a science nerd?
OK, we know that even the top geniuses in the world only use maximum 10% brain capacity – that is frontal cortex, logic, reasoning and planning – as conscious thoughts. So that means we are not consciously tapped into 90% of our brains. Rather, the 90% is unconscious: breathing, digesting, receiving signals internally and relaying them elsewhere, and memory storage, emotion, feeling and perception of our world through our senses. These unconscious processes also dictate our patterns of behaviour, which become our learned autopilot responses to love and relationships, often blocking us from focusing on the right guys. Therefore this is the mother-load when it comes to unleashing our Inner Goddess, because she exists primarily in our unconscious and she knows who we deserve and deeply desire.
Most of our life training has favoured the “doing” skills of the masculine versus the “being and feeling” skills of the feminine. This is why a relationship can look so good on paper and we can “do all the right things”, but feel no chemistry. It’s because, in order to experience chemistry, sparks and connection, we have to be able to open our hearts and feel, even trust. All things we haven’t really been taught, and even have limited understanding of. Ever try measuring love, connection or trust?
In Love With Our Feminine
We wonder why we aren’t filled with passion, excitement and desire, or feel a little guilty for wanting more out of life when we have so much to be grateful for, because we simply aren’t fully tapped into the immense potential and truth feeling capacity of our own Inner Goddess. We’ve just been leaning a little too much on logic and reasoning for all the answers (when its only 10% of the equation).
We love with our hearts and bodies and feelings, not our heads. Remember a time when you completely connected with someone unexpected or surprising even – it defied logic and you didn’t know why, except for it felt so good to be around them. This is also why we fall in love, we surrender to it, release control, we go with it, flow with our partner. We don’t interview all the candidates, measure our hormone levels and decide this person is for me, therefore we will be happy…. No. You experience being awakened (physically, mentally, spiritually, sexually, emotionally, and/or personally) with this person more than the others. You feel happy, in love, excited, turned on, energized, alive and once your core values and visions for life align, you choose each other and continue on the path united.
5 Steps to Tap Into Your Inner Goddess Today
Step 1: Get quiet to connect. She is the barometer inside of you that always knows what is right for you, but her voice is quiet if you haven’t been listening to and talking to her for years. Silent meditation provides the ideal environment to communicate with her.
Step 2: Clear your mind. Your Inner Goddess is of your unconscious, in the feeling centre of your body, not of the conscious mind. The best practice to quiet the mind and focus on the sensations of the body is to breathe deeply. Any breathing practice will do, just relax into taking deep breaths into your body.
Step 3: Ask her a question. Once you are relaxed and more aware of the subtle sensations in the body. Ask her “what is your message for me?” or “what do I most need to know right now?”
Step 4: Tap into your 6th sense. Since our Inner Goddess is unconscious, she doesn’t communicate using sentences like the conscious mind, instead she communicates in imagery, pictures, feelings, sensations or 1-3 words max. These require gut, instinct and intuition to interpret and translate.
Step 5: Trust whatever comes up. If you aren’t accustomed to listening to or interpreting your own intuition, gut, messages ask “what does that mean to me?” If you think that’s what she means, that is what she means. Trust it – remember, it doesn’t have to make sense, it’s not coming from your brain or analysis. Strengthening your intuition will be your greatest connection to your Inner Goddess.
For more on the sneaky unconscious patterns that blind us from noticing and falling in love with our ideal partner, check out Lesley Edwards at http://speakers.loridalton.ca/profiles/lesley-edwards/.